The Lord Willing...

Jeff's mom would say "The Lord willing" before or after any plans she had or anything she hoped to do.  If she was being playful, she would say "The Lord willing and the creeks don't rise." It was her way of saying every step she took was dependent on her heavenly Father. At times you wonder if she was hedging her bets. The way she lived her life, you knew that wasn't the case.

We have been going around telling people we are going to Kenya.  We are very excited to share the plans of our journey. It seemed as if all obstacles had been cleared, we had a sizable pile of "to do" boxes checked and we were all set. We thought all that box checking was our job and we didn't need God's help.

Last week a cloud rolled in that could nix the whole thing.  We don't need to talk about the particulars but it is worth talking about our perspective of what would it look like if we weren't able to go. We were heart sick. How would we be OK if this wasn't God's plan? How would we communicate the news to all those that were rallying around us to tell them plans were changed? Frankly, we felt foolish. We know "The Lord willing" is not just something you say it's something you breathe.

We have often run ahead of God only to be reminded we are not in control. These subtle and not so subtle reminders are, we pray, shaping us into transformed people. In Philippians 4:4 we are told to "rejoice in the Lord always" and in verse 5 we are told to "be anxious about nothing". While we were anxious for a bit, we are now rejoicing and have very little anxiety. Maybe we are becoming better at being the middleman?!

The Middleman

We wonder, why still worry when we have so many experiences of God's plan for our lives and so many times that he has taken care of us? It is our nature to wrestle with problems and try to solve them ourselves. Not sure if that is a West Michigan thing or an American thing. This we know for sure, it is a Jane and Jeff thing.

A great part about taking on this new challenge is we are both being pushed out of our comfort zones. It is exhilarating to not have all the answers and to humbly turn to God, chuck our cares his way. So many things are being blessed and providing us with assurance that he is guiding this journey. Then we have an issue, that is not part of the new journey, and we decide in our infinite wisdom that "We Got This"!

Jeff had a thing that was bugging the heck out of him. There wasn't anything we could see that we should do yet he was grousing about it off and on for months. To us it seemed unfair and unwarranted so frustration and anger were popular options. Just yesterday he realized that the best course of action was to pray and have faith.

Seriously, why do we pick and choose what we are willing to hand over to our Father? We have learned similar lessons so many times it is truly embarrassing to have to learn it again. The real growth we are seeing on a sort of consistent basis is the length of time we own things before placing them where they belong. Thankfully the time is getting shorter. We are hopeful that we will become middlemen and get rid of junk like it is our job.

What Is The Upside?

The other day I (Jeff) was napping on the couch when my phone buzzed. It was one of our kids calling just to talk. I instantly had a twang of regret hit my heart.  This won't happen when we are in Africa, is the thought that precedes the regret. This is happening often lately. Every thought of the future is mixed with living in Kenya and how that will change things. Big things like graduations and first birthdays and little things like following the Tigers are all going to take scheduling and effort. Logistically, this is going to push the two of us to our limits.

I have spent most of my life not really counting the cost of doing things. The reason being if I know the cost I might not have done this or gone there. For the most part, this has worked out to a B+ average. The huge majority of the time the ends have justifiesd the means. On few occasions, when we/I were hip deep in a project/venture, I felt like it would have been prudent to aim before I fired.

This time is completely different. The nature of this beast is a series of tasks and commitments spread over 12-18 months.  That makes it fairly difficult not to look before you leap. Usually, the looking is manageable and filled with faith. At times, it is filled with regret and fear.

So, what is the upside? That is where my thinking always takes me. I do these mental equations and factor in all the ideas swirling around and the solution presents itself. Going is the upside. Being obedient and knowing we are not enough and we need the Holy Spirit makes me so excited it smothers the fear and regret. This whole process has done wonders for my faith, my prayer life, my Bible study, and my unity with Jane.

My morning devotions have me working through Paul's letters. All his missionary triumphs and struggles makes me keenly aware of how much of a sissy I am. I'm pretty sure I could not have walked his road. Thankfully, God is only asking a guy, who has spent his entire life coloring inside the lines, to go work at a school 7 time zones away from home. The prayer is to stop thinking so much about myself and keep my eyes focused upon Him.