What Is The Upside?

The other day I (Jeff) was napping on the couch when my phone buzzed. It was one of our kids calling just to talk. I instantly had a twang of regret hit my heart.  This won't happen when we are in Africa, is the thought that precedes the regret. This is happening often lately. Every thought of the future is mixed with living in Kenya and how that will change things. Big things like graduations and first birthdays and little things like following the Tigers are all going to take scheduling and effort. Logistically, this is going to push the two of us to our limits.

I have spent most of my life not really counting the cost of doing things. The reason being if I know the cost I might not have done this or gone there. For the most part, this has worked out to a B+ average. The huge majority of the time the ends have justifiesd the means. On few occasions, when we/I were hip deep in a project/venture, I felt like it would have been prudent to aim before I fired.

This time is completely different. The nature of this beast is a series of tasks and commitments spread over 12-18 months.  That makes it fairly difficult not to look before you leap. Usually, the looking is manageable and filled with faith. At times, it is filled with regret and fear.

So, what is the upside? That is where my thinking always takes me. I do these mental equations and factor in all the ideas swirling around and the solution presents itself. Going is the upside. Being obedient and knowing we are not enough and we need the Holy Spirit makes me so excited it smothers the fear and regret. This whole process has done wonders for my faith, my prayer life, my Bible study, and my unity with Jane.

My morning devotions have me working through Paul's letters. All his missionary triumphs and struggles makes me keenly aware of how much of a sissy I am. I'm pretty sure I could not have walked his road. Thankfully, God is only asking a guy, who has spent his entire life coloring inside the lines, to go work at a school 7 time zones away from home. The prayer is to stop thinking so much about myself and keep my eyes focused upon Him.